September is a lie, and I don't want to be stuck here

I feel like a lot of things are a lie about our time here in Cleveland, which is making me quite bitter toward being here, if I'm honest. I don't know what God is doing here, except maybe expecting me to trust Him and making our life more austere. The thing is, simple is boring sometimes, and our life is still really complicated. I know I can look at this and watch how God is providing for us and how God is giving us more than we could ever need and using that in other people's lives - it's pretty sweet. But, I am not happy in Cleveland. And every time I tell our story to someone new, I get a wide-eyed, "what? really?" ... yeah, really.

While I am grateful for our 200 + gifts from the wedding, we don't have any of them. I know - it's just "stuff" and I need to be satisfied in Christ; the truth is, most days it's fine because we live in a furnished apartment. The trick is when I need a certain pan or dish and I could go buy it, but we have one, or that I need ___ color acrylic (I have 80,000 acrylic paints at home in storage), but that's all 1,000+ miles away, so I get to go buy more. It's wasteful. We had laundry detergent at home, but had to go buy some here because, what? We're here for more than the two weeks we packed for? Whew - glad I over-packed!

I am so incredibly grateful that we get to go home in August for free. Austin's work is paying for his ticket and mine is pretty much covered, too. We're working out ways to get home again for Christmas (driving) and Matt & Gennie's wedding (flight with points) and hopefully a way for me to get home for mom's surgery, but we're not sure whether or not that's possible. Thanksgiving? Nope. Ryan & Tiff's wedding? Probably not. Just another reason moving away sucks.

I guess what I need are prayers for my heart, because I'm just bitter about being in Cleveland and I'm very bored with it. I just want to wallow in that some days. The unsure future of our move just makes it worse, so it's not fun to talk about. We probably aren't leaving in early September, which means I need more clothes from our crazy-packed storage unit... and we're just going to be here even longer.

To make things even better, Austin spends his days at work doing diddly squat for about seven (if I'm lucky) or eight hours - occasionally he builds a cabinet - without so much as an internet connection, and I try to be productive without going shopping and wasting money... which is why I started buying/making Christmas presents. Logical, right? Productive, proactive... lazy. That's me!

I have no purpose here except to be with Austin, and I really don't like this situation. There are positives: we live thirty minutes from like 8 wineries (WHOO!) but that can be expensive. We did get to travel, but we are still in stinkin' Mentor, Ohio; a tiny city with little going on and a deteriorating mall across the street. Random fact: they pump oil from the courtyard of our apartment complex. Whaa..?

I start thinking and typing like this, and I remember this verse (see below), but I still struggle in my heart. My heart isn't in this, because I just want a home - I want to return to ____ where we live and feel at home. Maybe God is just trying to impress on me that this world is not my home, or maybe just to show me that there are a ton of people who need Him here (not that there aren't in Houston, but Churches are closing here because no one goes to them, and rumor has it, Ohio is "over" the whole "God" thing). I really don't know.. but I wanted to be honest about where my heart is here, and say that I need you to pray with me because I know my heart is not the right place.

Philippians 2:14-16

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to the word of life, so that in the day of Christ I may be proud that I did not run in vain or labor in vain.

My family would tell you I'm no saint when it comes to complaints, but I've found myself complaining more than usual here about a lot of little things because of my general disdain for this place, and I know it's wearing on Austin. That's just another thing to pray against. Pray that this "disdain" for all things Cleveland stops growing and that the love of Christ would start growing in all ways in me and my heart. I know my struggle isn't a physical one, but maybe I should just take a page from Paul's book. Oh Lord, help me.

I don't know. I have mixed emotions because I wish I were just settling in somewhere in my newlywed life. That's how it's supposed to work, right? (God's just laughing...)

Working it out in the flesh until the day of completion, struggling against myself and my silliness, and wishing Jesus would just come back,

Elizabeth Marie

Cleveland Rocks?

I should first let you know we're not actually in Cleveland. We're in an apartment in Mentor, Ohio, which we chose because we though it'd be close to Austin's work, and because it's furnished. It's not as close as we thought it would be since the highways here make no sense. Actually - the highways here make me appreciate Houston's a LOT more.

And, moving to Ohio, I thought we'd be in cooler weather. Well, not so much this week. You'd think we were still in Texas with heat indexes of 112 this week! I have to admit, though, prior to this week, there was nothing to complain about weather-wise, minus an unexpected (by us) storm that knocked out our power, shook the apartments, and flooded parts of the Cleveland area - it was terrifying!

The good news is, I have time to do whatever I want. I've painted two canvases the last few days, and Austin painted one too. I've never taken an art class so I'm literally just goofing around, but don't be surprised when the canvases I've painted come as Christmas presents!

This week we started looking at homes. Take this one, for example. At 1084 square feet, it isn't huge, but it has three bedrooms and two bathrooms, a charming exterior, a decent kitchen both in size and decor, and it's only $89,999. Thank you, Clarksville. With some easy fixes (putting in tile, updating appliances as need be, changing the hardware) we think we could make some money off this house in a few short years. The thing is, we know if we go headfirst into this without prayer (please pray over this with us) and without some serious research, we could have the opposite situation. We want to be good stewards of the money God has let us use, and we don't want to waste it. Now at $77,000, we're convinced something is wrong with this one - maybe it has a bad roof or a bad neighborhood. Who knows - we have a lot of options, and we're waiting to see what God has for us. We may even end up renting, but finding a place to rent when all the troops are coming home to our army-base town, or when the college kids are coming in makes it really hard to find an available place!

HOUSTON in less than three weeks! I am so grateful that Austin's best friend (and best man) is getting married on August 13th - not just because we're happy for Adam & Kathleen, but because I miss Houston so much. In Cleveland I've met some people through Gateway Church, at a women's bible study that meets every Tuesday. So far I've met some women through it, and it's been pretty encouraging so far.

Austin is struggling with his purpose at work, too. He's not doing much of anything, he says, and he doesn't have internet so he can't be productive and research things like stocks as he says he would like to do, since he seems to have extra time. This just seems to be a strange season for us - we don't understand the purpose of it exactly, but maybe God just wants us to simplify our lives.

This weekend we're heading to Canandaigua, New York, in the Finger Lakes area. It's about a five hour drive, and we're getting up at the crack of dawn to get there. We're going to tour some wineries (my favorite thing to do, ever) and stay in Rochester, New York that night. Sunday were going to sleep in, for once, and then cross the border and go to Niagra Falls! Last week we went to Amish country in Millersburg, so it's turned out to be a lot of mini vacations for us, which is one blessing about being in Ohio.

In all, it's a struggle. What are we doing here? What are we doing after we leave here? We don't have the answers, but we take it one day at a time and trust that God has a plan for all of this.

Love,

Elizabeth

Life on the Road

Wow, what an exhausting week. Despite not having a job, I've kept myself pretty well occupied!

We left Houston last Wednesday, finally hitting the road out of town at about 8:30 or 9 am. We stopped several times - usually because I had to - and made it to the outskirts of Nashville around 9 pm. On the way there, Austin decided to give his boss for this project a call. He just wanted to let him know that we were driving up, and to ask where to go for his first day of work. Well, much to our surprise, his boss immediately started talking about us going to Cleveland. Now, the Wednesday and Thursday before we left, there was talk on going to Cleveland, which really freaked me out. I did not want to live in Cleveland, and I did not want to be there for two months without my stuff (funny, here I am). Friday things were "resolved" (read: confused) and we were told to get movers and head to Clarksville. Alright!

Well, Tuesday night at 10 pm when the movers had failed to send us a quote online, we decided to tell them the deal was off. So, we went to Clarksville with no movers and our stuff still in storage, which worked out pretty well when we found out we needed to go to Cleveland - my mom quickly pointed out how well that had worked out for us, and that God knew what He was doing when the movers fell through.

When we were driving to Tennessee, I cried. I cried the minute we left Texas, and periodically until we got to Tennessee. When Austin made that phone call, and everything changed, we were both shocked. Austin was so shocked he took his hands off the wheel and I had to make him pay attention and drive. We were both upset, and a million different questions and angry thoughts went through our minds. By the time he got off the phone, I had to change my demeanor. I knew that if I was mad, it wouldn't help the situation, so I tried to be positive and help him rather than bring him down.

We ate dinner with my family in Nashville Thursday night after exploring the town a bit, and we really had a great time. It was comforting to know that they would only be about an hour away when we would move to Clarksville, and that we got along with them so well!

We drove to Clarksville that night and stayed in a hotel, preparing ourselves to apartment hunt like mad on Friday. At the end, we found two we liked, one we wanted but wasn't large enough, and we just have to wait now - none of them know their September availability until August!

Saturday we went to a little market in downtown Clarksville before making the 10-hour trek to Cleveland. Finally, no matter how much I prayed and tried to stay positive, I cried about going to Cleveland (I'm such a baby..). I knew in my mind that the Lord had a plan for this trip, but I didn't feel it in my heart. All I felt was confusion and hurt that we couldn't just settle. I felt that this was God's way of preparing us to be ready and able to go where He wants, when He wants, despite our "stuff" - something that we need to be able to do no matter what, especially if we think we're called to go to Africa one day.

I'm still jobless, and occupying my time with couponing, Christmas shopping (I know..) and running random errands, but I know that the Lord has a plan here. We've already attended Gateway Church, which we like, and are eager to get involved here and meet some people. One of the hardest things was the 4th of July - if we were still in Houston, we would have had more than enough people to celebrate with, but here in Cleveland, we know no one. We went to a local fair that was a creepy carnival (flop!) and ended up with a coke slurpee watching Gnomeo & Juliet in bed.

Anyway, we're just hanging on somewhere between A & B, and waiting for the right thing to happen. It's been an adventure, and I know the dust isn't going to settle anytime soon! I'm so thankful for the love and support of our family, and glad that we aren't totally alone even when it seems like we are.

Love,

Elizabeth